how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
