and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
actually, I'm a sock model
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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