She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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