THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
