I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
