walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
