the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
tonight lets celebrate not being married
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
