By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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