Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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