1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So squirting runs in the family.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
