I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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