Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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