Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
40s are totally the cure
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
