Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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