I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I believe in your delicious
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
