You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
