The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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