Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
