man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
