I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
