Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
