I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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