I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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