I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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