you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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