Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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