I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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