therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
