Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
