the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
