don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
