god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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