The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
