Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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