I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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