So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
