guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
