she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
