Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he thought i was a dude.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
