first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
