I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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