Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
