i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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