oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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