Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
