I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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