She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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