Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
