her vagine was all disorganized.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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