I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
