Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
