The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
