i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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