literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
