I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
