his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
