Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
