I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
