last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
