Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
