So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
