mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
