I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
