last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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