Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
