I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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