I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
