well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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