It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
