I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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