She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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