I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
