I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
