I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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