Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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