This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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