Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
