Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
