go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
