So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
