i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
