Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
