do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
