Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
