I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They took my balls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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