Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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