dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize