I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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